Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
