There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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