Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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