I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
