This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
