Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
