you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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