The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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