Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
