you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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