I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it because I queefed?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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