I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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