forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
