i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
