He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I licked your asshole in confidence.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
