goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
