Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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