I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
