I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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