There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
