i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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