Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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