Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize