Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
