We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
