My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
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I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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