Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
