I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
