I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
