i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
