Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
