no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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