Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
