My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
