Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
