Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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