I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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