When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
