Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
