so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
