i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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