Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
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what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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