If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
