I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
