Moan for me like Helen Keller
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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