I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I love you. Go after that dick
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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