I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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