Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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