No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
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His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
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I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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