I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
