I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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