woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
