I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
