I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
