On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
