from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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