and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
