Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
