I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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