hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Pants are for mortals
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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