Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
