I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
