as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
