we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
