You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
