Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
