Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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