Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
