alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
