Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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