The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
