let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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