Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she was so not down for the gang bang
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
