FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
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